dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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