thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
