Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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