Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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