i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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