My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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