Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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