I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
