And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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