I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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