Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
