A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
