I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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