Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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