Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
