Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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