he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
