I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
