We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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