dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize