his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
