Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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