When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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