But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
