I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
