The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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