i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
