I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
