I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
