My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
