This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
