So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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