Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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