Swine flu. Run for my life!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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