That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
