Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
