I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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