Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
