went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
