I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
