Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
