apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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