oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
