if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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