Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
