OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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