why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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