I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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