It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
