It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
