Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
