she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
