I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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