The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
