i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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