She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
