fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bring money and cleavage
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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