You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
