I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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