Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
