my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
