im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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