Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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