I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
