You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
