I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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