There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry about my life...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
