Already got asked if we're dating
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
