____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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