Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
