Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
