he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
